Chapter 1 – Digital Clock
โIโm telling you that it wasnโt me. Itโs up to you if you want to believe it or not.โ
The manโs voice was low and husky and carried with it a strange feeling.
Bai Lang had always been unable to like it. But right now what made Bai Langโs hands and feet feel even more cold was the meaning behind those words.
โ… if itโs not you, then who?โ Bai Langโs throat felt dry.
โYouโre asking me?โ Seeing Bai Langโs tense appearance, the manโs voice carried laughter. โShouldnโt you be asking yourself?โ
Bai Lang felt as though he had been hit over the head. He took an involuntary step backwards.
The tall and imposing man in front of him bent his waist and picked up the remote control from the table.
Pa! There was a noise and a TV that took up almost half of the wall lit up.
Bai Langโs thoughts were still sunken into a chaotic emotional state but the sound of the broadcast pierced his ears painfully.
โ… In regards to Kang Jianโs earlier press conference, Asia Internationalโs Chief Executiveโs daughter, heiress Shen LingLing, has also ten minutes ago updated her social media to publicly confirm the news of her engagement to Kang Jianโฆ.โ
Bai Lang suddenly raised his head. He stared disbelievingly at the television screen.
The screen showed a press conference. The lights and cameras flashed constantly, showing Kang Jianโs unmistakably familiar face in high definition. There was a dazzling smile on that face.
โ…. She is incredibly grateful for everyoneโs well wishes and also hopes that everyone will continue to support Kang Jian. Kang Jianโs road to fame has not been easy and he has shown that he is an honest and sincere person who is also warm-hearted and gentle. As for those people who have spread heinous slanders about him and Bai Lang being gay in order to suppress Kang Jian, Shen LingLing expresses deep regret. After all she has been in a relationship with Kang Jiang for two years, itโs only that they didnโt publicise until nowโฆโ
After hearing this, Bai Langโs entire person shook.
โ…. Now that these two people had decided to come together to form a family and plan a future together, they hope that those slanders will settle down. As for the date of the wedding, taking into consideration that in the coming months Kang Jian will be filming Director Guo Shanโs latest masterpiece Mountain Rain Will Come, she plans to have a simple wedding with Kang Jian overseas. To have the support and well-wishes of their friends and family is their greatest desire. She once again wishes to thank everyone for their supportโฆ.โ
The sound of the broadcast was incredibly crisp and clear. Each word was like a knife cutting into Bai Langโs heart.
Bai Lang suddenly felt as though he couldnโt breathe. Add to it the fact that he had had trouble sleeping for a week and the vision in front of his eyes suddenly went black. In his chest, a terrible pain tore through his heart. Bai Lang unconsciously clutched his left breast, crumpling his shirt.
The man in front of his eyes looked shocked. He took a step closer. Normally Bai Lang would have backed away but this time he found he couldnโt. He could only double over painfully. In his ears the words โweddingโ, โdatingโ, these types of words echoed repeatedlyโฆ.
The pain in his chest became worse and worse.
It was so painful cold sweat appeared on his skin and tears fell from his eyes.
His last impression was that the voice that he originally didnโt like was yelling, filled with desperation.
โBai Lang!!!?โ
****
The terrible pain made Bai Lang gasp. Then once again he woke up from a terrible nightmare.
When he opened his eyes, he heard the sound of his own gasping and painful breathing sounding in the quiet room.
Bai Lang lay on the bed. He stared dazed at the white ceiling lit by a street lamp from the window and listened to the sound of his own heart pumping furiously; peng, peng, peng. It felt as though any minute now it would fail.
After a long time, when his heart beat had somewhat slowed down, Bai Lang finally rubbed his face and raised his body to drink a sip of water.
There was a warm thermos beside his bed. In the last few days he had gotten into the habit of preparing one before going to bed.
Only after feeling the warm liquid flow down his throat, could Bai Lang escape from the grasp of the repeated nightmare that he had night after night.
However if it was only just a nightmare, a dream, then how good would it be?
And if it wasnโt a dream, then how should he describe itโฆ.?
Bai Lang clutched the thermos, staring dazedly into the darkness.
His eyes, unbidden, turned again to the digital clock sitting on his bedside table.
In the darkness, the illuminated numbers and words clearly showed: August 23rd, Year 20XX.
This was the summer of ten years ago.
The him that had died of a heart attack, had somehow returned to ten years previously.
****
In the entertainment world ten years into the future, although Bai Lang perhaps could not be considered a mega star, he was at least someone who had attained household name status.
He had a warm and gentle image. In the broadcast of the long drama Partners for Life, he portrayed the role of a young single father. He held the hand of a five year old little boy and this image of father and son was carved deep into the hearts of the audience.
This kind of suitable role helped shape his image. Bai Langโs fans came from all age groups: from small school students, to old 70 or 80 year old grandmothers and grandfathers. During a particular time, he was also considered every unmarried girlโs dream โgood husbandโ image representative.
Suitably accompanying Bai Langโs image was his clean and warm appearance. He had white skin that never tanned, straight and glistening black hair, and full lips that carried with it a natural redness. He had a tall and slender figure and was a living example of a white-skinned and red-lipped scholar from a storybook. After Partners became a popular drama, it was extremely difficult for Bai Lang to shake off this image.
This kind of advantage also had its limitations. In his next five dramas, all the roles Bai Langโs company arranged for him showed him as a good and upright youth and it was unable to be changed. In the future all of his roles went in this direction: righteous, good and family-friendly.
Thus Bai Langโs advancement was limited, however since this image was suitable for many types of product endorsements, Bai Langโs rewards could have been said to be more than his losses. In terms of the amount of taxes paid, in many years Bai Lang could have been accounted in the top five artistes. He can be considered an actor who worked hard for the aim of earning money.
[T/N: This is a bit hard to translate. Itโs basically saying someone who accepts a lot of roles, not all of which are outstanding, in order to hunker down and slowly bit by bit grind out money. Not someone who is chasing achievement/awards or to make waves.}
However for Bai Lang, who had this type spotless image, even the slightest bit of slanderous rumors was extremely difficult to recover from.
In these ten years as an actor, Bai Lang had faced three great trials.
The first time was not long after Partners for Life became famous. Because of the large debts of Bai Langโs brother Bai Li, his image suffered a blow. But after all it was the problem of Bai Langโs family members and was not directly related to him. So, after Bai Lang appeared to help Bai Li clear his debts, he was able to pacify the talk about his low-class family background. However, due to this incident, his fame which had only just begun to rise, was once again pulled back down.
The second time Bai Lang became famous, it was after a few more years.
At that time Bai Lang accepted a role in the reality cooking show Who is Hosting Dinner? and for the second time tasted the flavour of becoming famous. The friendly and handsome young man would carefully select ingredients and go to a famous starโs home to help them cook and host a dinner party for their guests. At the same time, the audience was able to see each starโs luxurious homes and get a glimpse into their private lives. With the addition of the carefully selected menus and delicious delicacies, it made the show incredibly popular with mothers and grandmothers.
Bai Lang once again became the number one male star that every woman wanted to marry. This was undoubtedly related to his cooking skills. Any company that was half-related to cooking came knocking on Bai Langโs door to ask him to endorse their products. All the way until a fuzzy and unclear video was broadcast on a popular video-sharing site, accusing Bai Lang of often attending luxurious yacht parties to gamble and take drugs. These kind of serious accusations led to Bai Lang being investigated by the police. Although the investigation turned up no evidence to support these claims, Bai Langโs fortune took a second large blow.
But the God of Fortune had clearly taken an interest in Bai Lang. After two quiet and lonely years where he didnโt have much work, Bai Lang shot an MV for a love song and once again audiences took note of this elegant, clean and gentle youth.
At this time Bai Lang was someone who had been in the entertainment circle for many years. After the two previous tumultuous incidences of wind and rain, in which he had experienced the coldness of human hearts, he had learnt to become strong internally. This kind of inner strength and elegant bearing was not something a new young artist who had only just experienced success could demonstrate.
When he once again obtained a role as a second male lead in the movie Sunset, Bai Langย portrayed the tragic role of someone who was misunderstood however in the end stood in the background to silently bless the male and female lead. This kind of role strongly hinted about Bai Langโs own tragedies and misfortunes in the past, and so under the influence of this โfull of meaningโ image, Bai Lang for the third time achieved a height in his career.
However what didnโt change was that, after attaining this height, there would always be an inevitable fall.
The third time was the last time. This time Bai Lang faced the accusation of homosexuality.
According to the stories, Bai Lang was not only gay but he was also a dirty person.
Because he used underhand and terrible methods to force the new star Kang Jian to be with him.
Donโt look at Bai Langโs cultured and clean image, underneath that he hid a disgusting and ugly face.
Isnโt it obvious that the reason each time Bai Lang was able to return to the spotlight, was because he had climbed into some rich manโs bed?
No wonder Kang Jian felt disgusted and had no choice but to publicize everything in order to prevent more people from being hurtโฆ.
As for the starring role that Bai Lang was originally supposed to have in Mountain Rain Will Come, the fact that it was changed to Kang Jian was only karma and justified comeuppanceโฆ.
This kind of human scum should disappear forever from the entertainment world, and never again see the light of dayโฆ
***
Each time he saw this kind of online comment, the corners of Bai Langโs lips would lift ironically as he reminisced.
All of these were nothing compared to the words Kang Jian had once spoken to him.
โAh Lang, we love each other. Clearly we havenโt hurt anybody so why do we need to hide our relationship!?โ
โI know that you want the best for me. However what I want is to stand proudly by your side. I want to hold your hand in front of the whole world. I love you so much, I donโt want to hide anymore. Iโve suffered enough!!โ
โJust think about our future together. Donโt we have many decades together? You know that I canโt let go of you forever. How can we live the rest of our lives hiding in the shadows like sewer rats?โ
โWhy donโt we try? Letโs try! Perhaps after publicising our relationship, we will gain everyoneโs support and love! Look at these comments, donโt the fans always say theyโll support us no matter what? What do we have to fear!?โ
โAnyway, even if the whole world is against us, we will still have each other isnโt that right!?โ
***
Unable to withstand Kangย Jianโs begging, Bai Lang finally decided to try. He was stupid, so very stupid.
They had discussed it previously. Bai Lang would first make an appearance at some particular venues, in order to allow the fans some time to get accustomed to the idea. {T/N: Basically at gay venus, bars etc.}
However Bai Lang had only stepped half a foot out of the closet when everything changed.
Kang Jian became uncontactable and following that, poisonous and terrible rumours began to assault Bai Lang.
Bai Lang was hardly able to withstand it. However, in order to fulfil his promise to his lover, Bai Lang didnโt run but could only force himself to weather the storm. He had endured the previous two incidents in this manner. Even when his father, mother and older brother all stood out to publicly denounce him, announcing they were severing all ties with him, he could only clench his teeth and endure it.
However two weeks later, when Bai Lang finally once again received news of Kang Jian, he was confronted with this kind of press conference.
In it, Kang Jian and Shen LingLingโs wedding was announced and, at the same time, Kang Jian stole the role that he had been anticipating for a long time and which was supposed to help change his image.
And so, everything became crystal clear.
However unfortunately it was not until the moment just before he died, that he finally understood everythingโฆ
A familiar pain pierced his chest.
Bai Lang paid no attention to it. In the darkness he could only laugh at his own idiocy.
Even he didnโt understand why fate had chosen to return him to ten years ago.
For someone who had nothing to live for like him, what was the point?
He had an unhealthy heart and had been told by doctors that he had to avoid becoming overly strained or too much pressure. Even if he lived carefully and delicately, he probably still had an expiry date of only 50 or 60 years. In his last life had used it all up prematurely but this time would the result be any different?
Working hard to live. Living carefully to survive. Last lifetime Bai Lang thought he had done enough.
In the end all he had achieved was an episode of terrible pain. Fortune and fame… in the end all of it had only been empty air.
If he could start again, with even a chance for revenge, so what of it?
However when thinking of those last painful moments and those strange last images, there were still a few things that Bai Lang couldnโt forget.
It was as though his soul had left his body.
As for what happened after his heart attack in his previous life, Bai Lang should have had no knowledge. However strangely he actually knew. After he fell down there was someone who had caught his limp body, someone who had called his name desperately, someone who had taken him to the hospital. The images which came after appeared in his head chaoticallyโฆ
All the way until the emergency doctor had announced that the resuscitation had failed and that all hope was gone for him. His parents and brother had long cut ties with a โmonsterโ like him. However at his funeral there had been a lone black umbrella shielding him, and someone had with his own two hands, slowly, slowly, taken his ashes into the cemetery.
Bai Lang closed his eyes and recalled his unbelievable images.
He had once heard the older generation say that ghosts at their own funerals, would be drawn to the person who mourned them the most.
Qiu Qian.
Bai Lang would never have thought that it would be him.
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